Oct 31, 2010

all day....

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i feel like i could break down anytime.. anywhere.. any second..
but i hold it...
cos i dunno why...










Oct 30, 2010

goodbye my friend

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when i got up this morning. first call of the day just made my whole day such a devastating one.

a very close friend of mine died yesterday morning in a bike accident on his way back to KL from Betong, Thailand. i kept repeating his name and trying to really really LISTEN to what my friend is telling me. somehow waiting for him to start laughing or giggle... but.... who joke about death huh..

we were very close that i was with him every single day. Doing our best to finish his house. I was the designer for his house. every single thing my opinion is important. very important. he rather hold on to everything else and wait for me to view first. just to see if i like it or not. every single thing in the house. we did together. every decision. hmmm... we laughed. we had fun together. i've learned alot from him cos he was one super detail person. the omfg detail person. yup.

he was a very gentle person. to me at least. never once he raises his voice to me. but to the other contractors. yeah... every single day. even to his brother. he was a very kind hearted man. he advised me what is life all about. how to make money. what is money all about. riding. diving. traveling. men. relationship. friendship. bikes. cars. fun. we talked about every single thing. he always said this to me.

"vanessa. you don't look for money. money will look for you."
(specialize one thing you're really really good at. something that you really really love to do. and when you have mastered it. the world will come to you cos you're so good at it. =) )

yeah. hmmppfft.. it's easier for him to say cos he's a millionaire! hmmm..... at least he finished his 'piece' (the house) for his wife and his 2kids. he's been thru alot. from hard to easy life. he achieved his dreams. retired young and enjoy life. he did all that. but only for few years. 5years? hmmm...

i will never forget the things we did together. the time we spent together.

hmmm... i am so gonna miss that old man.

read here & here





B. i beg you. don't ride anymore.
don't get the bike.
don't ride madly.
don't drive madly.

i'm worried about you. how are you?
i miss you sometimes.
never a day i never thought of you.

please please please be careful.
please... i beg you.

i beg you please...
i don't know how to live if there's anything happen to you.
love you pa.







so again

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i am heartless




note 39

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without me isn't the option
i am with you






Oct 29, 2010

quote 11

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am i not worth anything to you...?
how can i mean nothing to you when you mean the world to me...?




Oct 28, 2010

wth man

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"I......... like big butts and I can not lie.....
You other brothers can't deny..."

all day this song playing wild in my head...
why? why? why?

hmmmm...
and i have these questions in my head...


what am i gonna do?
have i gone too far now?
do i listen to my heart?
or do i listen to what ppl think i should do?

should i bother? or not?
who should i listen to...?









note 38

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what the hell is wrong with this picture...
im here u there...
im about to lose it






Oct 27, 2010

something to think about....

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-- it's for the rest of your life, not just another 10yrs... -- big sis







mencintaimu

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Mencintaimu...
Seumur hidupku
Selamanya...
Setia menanti
Walau di hati saja...
Seluruh hidupku
Selamanya...
Kau tetap milikku

Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali
Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi
Sgalanya...
Teramat berarti di hatiku
Selamanya...

Mencintaimu...
Seumur hidupku
Selamanya...
Kau tetap milikku





hi B. how are you?
i'm doing good here. Lots of work I need to finish.
It's been awhile I haven't heard anything from you.
How's everything? How's work?
Charlie & Blacky is ok. They're still the same.
Well... I'll talk to you more next time. ok.
be careful ok.. look all around you when working..
take care. bye.










Oct 26, 2010

note 37

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i wanna tell u something
i love u so much baby
i will take good care of u
i promise
i miss u everyday
i can't stop thinking of u
now that is from my heart
i swear





uhhuh...

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"God is giving U a reason not a choice!!" - SK









unsure

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sometimes. im not even sure
whether im sure about what im sure
how do you know when you're so sure?
being sure and being so sure
im not even sure what im supposed to be sure anymore

can i think about this one later?





Oct 25, 2010

hmmm...

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I am still trying to deal with all the words
that were posted in my brain by him.
If you hear something long enough....
your mind begins to believe it.






Oct 23, 2010

ohhh boy...

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i don't think i can do this..





Oct 22, 2010

note 36

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Its ok baby...everything will be ok
I'm here for u







Oct 21, 2010

note 35

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actually u Vanessa no comparison
i put u to the highest
and.. everything is new to me
no similar stuff with others






Oct 19, 2010

while im packing...

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these are the questions im having...

why do i have to feel all the pain first then u come to me and say sorry.
why do i have to go thru all the sorrow then u come to me and say sorry.
why do i have to cry first then u come to me and say sorry.
why do i have to hear all that then u come to me and say sorry.
why do i have to beg for you to stop all that then u come to me and say sorry.

how many times do i have to say ok. i forgive u.
how many times do i have to cry for you to realize it is too much

what have i done to be in this situation
what have i done to feel all this pain
what have i done to be treated this way

when will you ever stop making me feel this way
when will you ever stop doing what you're doing
when is "enough is enough" come into this picture

can i actually do this
can i just forget about everything
can i just let it all go just like that
can i just leave
can i just stay

i can't do anything right now
dammit







Oct 17, 2010

1710

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I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won. Now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life's been changed
Babe, you lost me

And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And oh, we tried, you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life's been changed
Babe, you lost me

Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
You'll regret it but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We found our life's been changed
Babe, you lost me



wonder

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hi B
how are you?
how's work?
how's your wrist?
have you been eating well?
can u sleep at night?
have you lose weight?
you ok?
tell me... tell me...
you be careful ok
make sure you have enough of rest
don't push yourself ok
take it easy
don't worry everything is gonna be fine
you're gonna be fine
i'm gonna be fine







*17101999 - 17102010
i will always love you. with all my heart

note 34

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hey
u take your time ok vsk
it isnt that easy to forget
let me know when u are sure ok baby
i love u
ill wait ok
i love u no matter what
i wont let go that easy
not this time
i know it will haunt you forever of how i hurt u before
hopefully u will grow to love me more
and put all that to rest baby
and u are ready to take a chance again with me baby
give me this one chance ok
now i know what love is
......................................................................................

ok






Oct 7, 2010

i wanna hold your hand

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love this version... listen to it.. you'll love it...





note 33

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i can't lose u again
i am 120 percent sure
If i can't have u , i don't want nobody baby..
i hope u feel the same way
i'm sorry baby but its the truth
It is hard to change ...once you're in love
i need u more than ever
Every single day is getting harder...
i know what i want
It is u all along Vanessa








Oct 1, 2010

me....

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heartless