Jul 27, 2010

me

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words fall through me and always fool me....





Jul 23, 2010

he's not happy...

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when damien kiss ellena
and me sooooooooooo happy
but dammit!! it's catherine!!
hmmmmm





note 20

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It's what we are
It's what u are
It's what i am
Nothing wrong abt loving someone
U will never know how i feel abt u
Hard to explain
Unexplained
Word aren't strong to deliver the signal
I wish there's a new ways of doing it







still breathing...

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hmmm... what am i gonna do? i've been thinking of this question for a very long time. very long time. sadly i still don't know. i'm not sure what i'm gonna do. what should i do? see. no idea. dammit. it's been haunting me for a long time and it is still haunting me like nobody business. i keep on having this heavy breathing. i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. heavy breathing. where you keep taking a very deep breath and when you let go, somehow you feel a lil' bit better. but of course it comes back to square one after a sec.

i'm not sure what you doing to me but i'm prepared. i think. this is it. i've been wondering and wondering and wondering. so now. i just have to deal with it. now or never.

you think i can pull myself together? i'm not sure. we will see. i'll let you know when i'm done with the design.






Jul 22, 2010

home

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is where everybody knows everybody... when it comes to me... i know faces... i'm not really good with names... names can be a total stranger to me and when i see those faces.. i'll be like "ahaaaa!!" you know...? most of them. well. i think they know my name than my face... *heeeee.... kan femes... and uniQUE. hehe.. who have my name right... if u know.. tell me... i wanna say "hey buddy.." hihi.. i still don't understand why i got it... but oh well... it's easier for you to remember me... right? just so you know... there's oneeee i don't like... which i'm not gonna say it here... =P nextttttt

is where u can just be at home doin nothing.. listening to mummy bising bising here and there.. almost 24/7... when she's right there in front of me... and if its meant for me... sia pandai panas juga la.. but then.... when the others kena... i'll be laughing at the corner... and right now... i miss that... hmmmm.... BUT... that doesn't mean i'm gonna be one angel daughter... hehehe... i will still be the pain in the ass daughter... lol... hmmm (jgn macam macam.. u too ah...) <--- now.. that's for the sisters only... not for you.. if you're not... hmmm whatever... what i'm saying is... i miss her... that's all....

is where u have ur mom... ur dad... brothers and sisters around. why do we have to be so far away from each other...? why? sometimes i wonder why i'm here... tiada juga savings... i mean... well.. i dooo have.. (fingers cross) but... till when? where do i go from here....? i wonder... what do i really want? what's next? ya ya... keep that question... i'll let you know when i'm ready...

anywayssss... home is home... no matter what... but why am i not at home? i don't understand what i'm saying here.. i just dunno why i'm here... i thought i knew.. guess i don't... it's just blank.... i need to fill it in... very soon... no no... not that... something else...

okla.... main boring... gnight!








Jul 21, 2010

i dunno...

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"are you coming back w me?"

"i wish but u know i'm on standby... "
"yeah.. but..... " *sigh
"are you going back?"
"eh? what do you mean? of course i'm going back.. everybody is gonna be there"
"and you gonna leave me alone..?"
"just for few days... yeah... "
"when are you going back?"
"i dunno...."
"how long you gonna be there?"
"i dunno.... i'll let you know...."
"i'll be all alone here?"
"errr.... something like that.... "
......
"i'll call you every 10minutes.. ok?"
........
"ok.... promise..?" *sigh
" yeah... "



yeah... i haven't told him that my flight is confirmed months ago... and its gonna be 7days...

hmmm.... now what...

i dunno what to tell him....

Jul 20, 2010

Vanessa....

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is having mental stress {{{{{{{{ @.@ }}}}}}}}}

"Vanessa... have you amended the drawings?"
"Vanessa... i need to know how big is the recessed wall..."
"Vanessa... when can we buy the tiles?"
"Vanessa... are we gonna have chandelier at the foyer?"
"Vanessa... there's a column at the corner... are we gonna box it up?"
"Vanessa... can you come over to the site?"
"Vanessa... when can i see the design?"
"Vanessa... i need the detail drawings for the bedhead..."
"Vanessa... what is the material for the kitchen cab?"
"Vanessa... what's the height of the vanity top?"
"Vanessa... are we gonna paint over the roof tiles?"
"Vanessa... which one is better... wooden floor or floor tiles?"
"Vanessa... what is the outlet for the WC?"
"Vanessa... are we gonna have bidet?"
"Vanessa... are we gonna have tv at the master bath?"
"Vanessa... how big is the entrance?"
"Vanessa... are we gonna have wallpaper at the dining hall?"
"Vanessa... can we shop today?"

and the winner is.......

"Vanessa... i need you to tell me which handle is nicer.."

VANESSA VANESSA VANESSA VANESSA VANESSA!!!!!!

i need a break... i really need one FAST!



Jul 18, 2010

while im working...

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i'm thinking of....

* watching movie... inception... which i'm going tonight.. later at 845 w CK & MK.. yeah.. not gonna wait SK... screw her... heeee..... it's L.Dicaprio ok.. i don't want to make him wait too long for me... hehe.. you don't do that... especially him....

* my work is forever neverending... it will never finish... yeah... so what i'm gonna do.. just do it. as long as i'm still doin it... i know something is done.. better than nothing right.. screw all the calls... i'll deal with them later...

*shopping... do i really need to shop? for the dress? hmmm.... or just shawl... ? i hate shawl.. for me shawl is for movie... hehe... or scarf? ugh... i dunno... purple... hmmm... not really my fav. colour.. but... ahhhh..... actually i'm thinking of wallet... i wonder what happen to my previous wallet.. what do they do with it? wonder what happen to all the prayers inside... hmm.... and other 'sampah sampah' inside... ohh yeah.. and my ID... did they throw it? or keep it..? i wonder... damn.... i have to collect my new ID... and oh shit.. my driving license... i've been driving without license... hmm.... oh well...

*i'm thinking of you.... wonder what do you think of me... hehe... yeah.. i'm bored... i fed up doing work.. so... here i am... blogging something that is bla bla bla.... and you're still reading it right now.. haha! funny.... that is why i hardly blog... i mean really blog...

*caitlyn & sam. can't wait to squeeze these girls... tiny girls... hmm... sometimes i don't understand why am i here... hmmm.... oh yeah... i have him.... no wonder... *sigh

*him. wonder what he's doing right now... should i call? naah... he just left.. i'll call in 15.

*my hair.... my hair.... aiyo.....


ok la... that's what in my head... empty.... just linessss... u know lines.... yup.. bloody lines... damn you autocad!

this is what i've done over the weekend... very the boring one....



benci!

Jul 17, 2010

one of them

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i'm so bored




Jul 14, 2010

us at 4am

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*watching the A-Team at 4am

"B... very loud.. turn down the volume abit please..."
"eee..."
"please....."

*pushed the button... ONE time ONLY

"B... please.... ppl are sleeping..."
"and I'm watching bah...."
(w alvin the chipmunks voice)

*push the button... ONE time ONLY
*me rolling rolling eyes!

suddenly a FINGER poking poking me on my shoulder...

"ma.... can i have one more coffee....?"
*turned and looked at him w monsters eyes
"pleaseeeeeeeeeeee........."
(dunno what kind of chipmunks voice already)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee geram nyerrrrr




when i look at him...

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i wonder what's in his mind...
i wonder if he really cares... or just..... ??
when i think back all those years... been there.. done that...
hmmm.... how nice if everything is just ok all the way...
no problems.. no issues.. no sadness... just happiness... & laughter...

i've been moody for the past few days.. cepat marah...
he kept asking me... "what's wrong...?" and same answers i said "nothing"
see see.... PMS that is... budu.... hmmm....

i'm busy.... busy with work... and doing my best to spend time with him...
yeah... no specific story here.. just simply blogging over something that is nothing...

yeah boring kan... lol

anyway, he's going off soon for work... just not sure when exactly...
maybe for a week or 2... not sure... i'm hoping he's going before i go back to KK...
at least i have the proper 'goodbye' with him... i don't like 'goodbye' on the phone..
it will only 'kill' me slowly... hmmm.... i miss him already even when he's right in front of me..
funny.... i know i know... psycho bitch huh... hmmmm...

bah itu la tu... that's it.

more to come!

quote 5

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hello
hi baby
what you doin?
nothing. doing my drawings.
ohh
why?
i miss you
awww... but you just left... ??
yeah... can i come home now?
of course... come home & hug me...
ok... bye ma...
ok.. see you & be careful ok.
ok






note 19

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i wanna tell u this
i love u so much
i never ever did stop...
my poor judgement is the blame
i miss u sooo much
my heart belongs to you
and thats the truth
just in case i die
i want u to know that




Jul 11, 2010

i...

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miss you..
miss us..



Jul 8, 2010

note 18

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im scared
of?
u pushing me away

i don't think i can handle that...
i desperately need you..
i hope you know that...

i know it hurts when i say i love you

i'm trying not to say it too much





why oh why

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words fall through me and always fool me....





Jul 6, 2010

note 17

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i could never get over you




Jul 2, 2010

note 16

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i need to have u next to me

____________________________________________

i love u no matter what
will not stop
ever