Feb 9, 2009

longing for him..

today i don't know why i have this very sad feeling.. tears in my eyes..
longing for someone whom we dearly love and care ..
we supposed to visit him in the morning but as usual,
the son took his time to get up, so we reached Cheras around 1ish..

it has been six years since he joined Him..
and still, today i asked myself while cleaning his space..

"it's been a long time.. how have you been.. where have you been.. how's life at your side.. "

everytime we visit him, i've always imagined, he and his friends
must be sitting somewhere under the shades and talk about stuff..
and when he sees us coming, he'd tell his friends..

"ohh.. they are here!!"

and come running to us...


his absence in our life, at first, it was such an unbearable time frame for us,
especially to the wife and the son..
but with all the supports, advices & prayers from everyone from every corners
and some just a shoulder tap with a smile...
they somehow found their strength to move on, so did i..

i asked the son today..

"B... how & when.. we got ourselves get used to it.. him not being around us.. ?"

he looked so sad and from the look on his face.. i know he really desperately wants to see him..
he held the white cross sooo long as if he's 'talking' to his dad...
some nights, he cried silently in his sleep and calling for his dad like a small boy..

"daddy... where are you? i need you... "

and i, on the other side, didn't know what to do but to hold him tightly..
gosh, it is so heartbreaking to go through this..
i wonder how his mom go through it every sec. of it...
sometimes she'd called and wept, missing the late husband..
all i could say was..

"aunty... be strong ah... everything is gonna be alright.. i'll come later then we go out.."

when CJ was away for work for months..
i was like a mad woman in the house... missing him like crazy..
just imagine for her..


anyway, after cleaning + prayers.. about 45min, we left cos it's getting hotter..
so.. again, me become more brown... *rolls eyes
and before we could leave.. i whispered to him...

"uncle... pray for us ah.. 'brainwash' us to go for confirmation class soon
so can get married.. by 2010 if can.. "



dopeymooke on February 9, 2009 at 9:20 PM said...

am sure he'll brainwash u two baitu :)

Anyways, very touching entry.... :(

Take care...

dopeymooke on February 9, 2009 at 9:21 PM said...


vsk on February 9, 2009 at 9:37 PM said...

hehe... yeah.. harap harap kan...

Anonymous said...

sad juga